truth

i do NOT want to go to work right now. i have so much fucking shit on my mind. i'm completely distracted and i'm already late for work and i haven't eaten yet today.

this is a combination for disaster.

i'm not headed for a break down, i feel like i'm headed for a cosmic explosion. and a few things will happen.

it will be terrible.

it will be life changing.

and it will be fucking wonderful.

how can things that have that combination of elements be an awesome experience? because it means i'm fucking living, alive, breathing, making, creating and being. i am existing. i am plugged in. i am engaged in thought. there's mutual goings on, tuning in... listening... aching...

i am not alone.

it's happening - regardless of whether i get in my car and drive to work.

it's happening - no matter what my next move is.

it's happening - no matter what their next moves are.

it's happening - because i'm having these thoughts and that is making them have these thoughts. or perhaps, they were having them already.

it's happening.

and that feeling of utter control/helplessness - is outstanding.